Saturday, February 23, 2008

Future Me?

This week I had another overnight stay at work, while the parents were away. I usually enjoy these overnights, but am completely wiped out at the end of them, even if it's only 3 days (as this was). Something always happens during these overnights that make me reevaluate my behavior, reactions, or expectations, and this time was no exception.
I usually have one day of these overnights where I get so irritated at every little thing and blow my cool. Usually I can blame it on PMS, or sheer exhaustion, but whatever the situation I always regret it 2 seconds later. I want the kids to enjoy being with me, yet not feel they can take advantage of the fact that I'm not their parent, but I was also raised a certain way that makes me have high expectations of them, age appropriate of course. I won't go into detail, because it's very frivolous and only makes me feel worse, but this time it involved the three year old. I lost my cool with him over not listening, even though it was such a minor thing that was more irritating to me, than harmful. I've been trying so hard to be as pleasant as possible, yet firm, because we've been dealing with the issue of him screaming and running away crying every time I show up. Even though I don't take it personally, I want to do what I can on my end, to help him get over this phase, or whatever you want to call it.
This time it just got me thinking. Will I be like this when I become a mom? Are my kids going to have to worry that once a week I'm gonna blow up at them over something stupid? Or will I be different because they are my kids? Will I be worse because they are my kids? I feel like I've learned a lot about myself over the five years I've been a nanny. Most of it positive, but then you have those days that make you question whether or not you're fit to be a future parent, no matter how strong the desire of your heart.
I know we've all been yelled at by parents, and the simple fact is no one is perfect and that parents will yell and get mad at their kids. I just hope that I can start not letting the little things get to me so much, and recognize when I need to step away from the situation, no matter how much I want it to be done my way.


The New Mrs. Rue said...

ok, here's my two cents, having both worked in child care AND have children of my own: Your own kids will drive you nuts, period. That being said, it's harded when they're yours. Atleast you can blame their bad behaviour on someone else =) But to be honest, I lose my cool from time to time, and it's because of my 3 year old. It's the age, and (hopefully) will get better with time! Hang in there!

Christin said...

Thanks Christy! People always warn you about the "terrible twos" but seem to forget the "terrible threes."

Mommy Beauty said...

I think it'll be easier with your own. Even though I haven't gone through the terrible twos or threes with Rosalyn, I have gone through screaming, crying, not sleeping, etc. If it were someone else's kid in a restaurant or a store, I'd be ready to flip out. With Rosalyn, I'm much more patient than I would be with someone else's.

I also don't tolerate her screaming in public places, if I can help it. I at least try to figure out what's wrong and address it, and if she won't chill out, I'll leave. It's better that we leave than have everybody hate us while we ruin their outings.

Granted, when she's in her terrible twos and threes stages, I really do expect to lose my cool quite a few times. I'm hot-headed to begin with and I know I'm responsible for teaching her everything.